Many men have experienced being emotionally thrown off balance by a woman, either in their workplace, family or intimate relationship. When we experience an emotional trigger in the presence of a woman, this tends to stem from a past wounding that was never fully healed. Let me start out by saying there is absolutely nothing wrong with you if you feel this happening. We all have wounds and therefore, we’ll all get triggered. But if we want to live whole, happy lives and have thriving relationships with the women around us, it’s important to tend to our wounds.
Why men in particular struggle with this.
Men in particular, have a lot working against them when it comes to dealing with getting triggered by women. It’s not socially acceptable to spend a lot of time talking about how women hurt men. Not to mention, most men don’t discuss mental health or emotional issues with other men as it comes across as weak. So these wounds go untended, left to fester, and end up sabotaging our relationships with women, which does nothing good for the individual, or for healing the society we live in.
How do I know if I have unresolved wounds from the feminine?
It’s not always straightforward figuring out if you have an unresolved wound from the feminine. One thing is certain: none of us grew up in perfect households. Even in the best scenarios we were loved and cared for, but also wounded. The most loving Moms still wound their sons, often unconsciously. It just seems to be part of the human condition. We may be resistant to look at those unresolved wounds, but until we do we can’t fully grow in relation to the feminine in our lives.
Here are some ways those wounds might be showing up in your life:
- When you get triggered, you react in one of two ways—you either become the “nice” guy, or you become highly reactive, at times even abusive. When I refer to becoming a “nice guy” I don’t mean loving, caring or kind but rather small, submissive and weak. Ask yourself – what type of man do I become when my triggers impact my behavior?
- You play the blame game, not taking ownership over your own triggers and descending into mental loops of defensiveness and frustration.
- Intimate relationships either feel like too much or never enough. You’re a serial user of women, find yourself repeating the same patterns, or you think women are too much all together.
- You struggle with the women in your workplace. You may find yourself confused about how to relate to women who are your peers, your subordinates, or your bosses. The same unhealthy and unproductive behaviors that show up in your romantic relations are playing out in your work life, with the added frustration that this is where you make your livelihood and spend much of your time.
What’s at stake if you don’t fix this is a healthy, happy life.
So what will it cost you if you don’t fix these triggers? If you spend your lifetime shrinking or overreacting from the impact of half the population?
It will cost you a healthy, happy life. You will feel miserable, numb and never satisfied in your relationships with women. You’ll spend days falling into overthinking spirals and playing defensive mental gymnastics. You’ll deal with it by blaming others, or acting out in forms of addiction such as alcohol or sex.
So what’s the solution?
The solution is first to build awareness. Next time you feel triggered by a woman, pause and make yourself conscious and aware of what you feel. Acknowledge your feelings and question – what was the interaction that triggered me? Think about what it’s costing you to be knocked off base – emotionally, mentally and physically. The second thing you can do is to surround yourself with mature, empowered and loving women who make you feel heard. This will help begin to heal any wounds that may have been created from past experiences.
Ready to go a little deeper?
If this sounds like you, then I invite you to consider our Men’s Immersion Weekend’s here at COR. It is completely virtual, you do not even need to leave your home. It is a 2-day event run by our incredible women facilitators who will make you feel safe, empowered and loved. It is not just a lecture of content but also experiential in a deep, somatic way. We use a combination of psychology and spirituality practices to really uncover those wounds or any deep set traumas you hold closely. If you’d like to find out any more information please have a look at the link below. We look forward to working with you.