As we wrap up this month’s theme of growing up and sacrifice, I wanted to share how my journey to become a COR facilitator helped me to grow up.
Like we’ve mentioned in past newsletters, growing up has requires sacrifice—sacrificing comfort, our typical patterns, our stories, our attachments. It means sacrificing the life that we know for something more, something bigger.
Using this definition, I didn’t grow up overnight. It happened slowly and steadily. Growing up took conscious action and conscious sacrifice.
Before my first COR workshop, I looked like a mature, “grown up,” young woman by social standards. I was a middle school teacher who had her s*** together. I often sacrificed late nights and sleep for the sake of my job and my students.
Yet in many ways, I was still young and immature. Unknowingly, my life centered around looking good and making sure everyone liked me. I stayed up late planning lessons so my students and principal would like me. I didn’t speak up in staff meetings so that I wouldn’t say the wrong thing. I avoided conflict and any negative emotions in my relationships out of fear my boyfriend, friends, and family wouldn’t love me anymore. I constantly tried to be perfect—the perfect teacher, girlfriend, friend, and daughter, so that I wouldn’t get hurt.
At COR Woman, I realized the cost of constantly trying to look good and strive for perfection. It cost me my freedom and confidence, and it kept me small. Hiding being a perfect mask stopped me from truly showing up in the world and making a difference. This workshop was the first time I really felt seen—not just for my achievements, but for who I really was.
The year after I did COR Woman, I enrolled in the Leadership Development Training. There, I made a commitment to being seen for who I actually am, instead of trying to look good and appear perfect. And little by little, I began to grow up and show up fully as myself.
It started with choosing open honesty whenever my boyfriend would ask, “What’s wrong?” instead of casually pretending, “I’m fine.” My relationship grew to a deeper level of authenticity and into a partnership rather than a young love.
I then let my parents know a part of me was afraid that they didn’t approve of me when they gave me advice about my career move and what I “should” do. This vulnerability deepened my relationship with my parents and freed me up to relate to my them as my adult self rather than a little girl desperately clinging to approval.
I then left teaching to become a COR facilitator and teen coach, even in the midst of guilt and fear that other teachers would judge me. I sacrificed the reassurances of a 9-5 job which led to deeper fulfillment and more trust in myself.
Presently, the desire to be liked and look good still arises in me almost daily. I still want to please everyone, do the “best” job, and hide any sort of struggle. The difference now is when those instincts come up, I choose something different. I choose to sacrifice those strategies in favor of the freedom and love that comes from being truly seen, even if it’s uncomfortable in the moment. From these daily choices, I’ve grown up.
What can you sacrifice today to grow up? And what might be on the other side of that? We’d love to know! We’d love to hear your comments, questions or insights here on our FB page!