As we are entering February, the “Month of Love”, with the famous Lover’s Holiday called Valentine’s Day, let’s stop for a moment and ponder what love actually is-and what it isn’t. Let’s reflect on how to access it in a way that is real and lasting, and not depending on outer circumstances.
Most popular movies, songs, and stories suggest that love is a feeling – and if you find “the one”, you will ride off in the sunset together and pretty much always be happy.
Anyone who’s ever been brave enough to actually engage in a long-term relationship knows that the feeling of love stays only for a limited period of time. It‘s called the Honeymoon. At some point inevitably you find yourself realizing, “Today I don’t feel so loving towards him or her. Today he or she really annoys me, or bores me or aggravates me and I don’t feel like being loving towards him or her.” The unfortunate news about love as a feeling is that is it about as fickle as our thoughts.
At Celebration of Being we hold Love as a quality of Being, as the most essential quality of our Being actually. It is deeper than our thoughts, concepts, feelings or sensations; it is who we are and what we are here for.
To access that quality of Being, I would like to suggest the idea that Love is-even more than a feeling- a VERB. It’s something that is constantly evolving within us and needs our active consent and participation.
Think about this: You might feel like you love your friend, but if she gets seriously ill, and needs a ride to the doctor, but you won’t make the time to drive her because you are too “busy”, how real is your love, and how loved will your friend feel?
In our modern world dominated by smart phones and tablets, text messages, and emails, we tend to be more absent than present. Our bodies are in one place, yet our hearts and minds are often somewhere else. We are constantly busy, and we are constantly making the choice to distract ourselves. Truthfully, this being constantly distracted is destroying our relationships. It seems like being so connected with the digital world makes us less and less connected to one another.
Nothing in the digital world can replace your being present with those you love and care about. And to someone who loves you, your attention and presence is the one unique gift that no one else can offer.
So the first Gateway to Love is being available to Connection and Community. And I mean IN PERSON Connection and Community!
In the Harvard Study called “Better Together” and its accompanying book of the same name by Robert Putnam, the collapse of America’s social institutions are being described. All kinds of groups, clubs, social circles, churches, and initiatives experience 50% less attendance than a decade ago! And only 43% of families share meals anymore together.
It seems like we increasingly eat alone, work alone, play alone. We grieve alone, laugh alone and even have sex alone. We are getting to be a more and more isolated and socially apathetic society!
We have forgotten that we are an interdependent species and that we are much better together. We keep pretending we can do life alone; though with a little help of our digital friends-and lovers.
Here is our loving challenge for you for the month of February: Get together with people! In Person! Eat with someone you usually don’t eat with. Join a group. Go back to your women’s circle if you have stopped going because it’s too far too drive or you are too tired at night and would rather go on Facebook.
Visit someone you know is lonely and won’t ask for your company because they feel too shy or depleted.
There are endless opportunity to be involved with other human beings and show up in person to connect with them. Give yourself a stretch!
At Celebration of Being we have several opportunities for you this Spring to connect with your fellow brothers and sisters in community. At least one of those I’m sure could work for you. If you are someone who loves our work, has gotten a lot of benefit from being together in our transformative events, and you’ve been on the fence about coming back, join us!
We look forward to connecting with your beautiful presence-in person-in connection and community!
In the meantime, please share your thoughts with us in the comments below.
How will you create connection and community this month?
COB In-Person Gatherings
For our California community, we have several opportunities for in-person gatherings. These are open for both people who have done our workshops and friends and family who are interested in learning more about our work.
Northern California In-Person Gatherings
San Francisco: Monthly Gatherings with Chrissy (men and women)
East Bay Area: Twice Monthly Women’s Circle (women only)
Southern California In-Person Gatherings
Los Angeles Area: Monthly Women’s Circle (women only)
Orange County: Monthly Women’s Circle (women only)